A duck, a street in Italy, and a cherry. What do these things have in common, you may ask? They are the art projects I have successfully started and completed since a pandemic was declared.
I genuinely cannot recall a conversation within the past 10 days that did not involve discussion of the COVID-19, a.k.a. coronavirus outbreak. It is seemingly the only thing the world can/will talk about. Obviously it is necessary to communicate with each other; discuss ways to help, avoid spreading it, figure out how to manage life on (potential) lockdown. While I agree that it is necessary, a constant overflow of coronavirus, coronavirus, coronavirus, can quickly become overwhelming for someone like me.
As a Highly Sensitive Person, I've been feeling many, many emotions. I am someone who is very in tune with others' emotions and as one can imagine, many people around me are coping in different ways. Some are coping with humour: memes upon memes. Others are coping by learning everything they can and sharing what they learn in the hopes we can all work together to flatten the curve. Some friends and family are simply avoiding contact with anyone and everyone. I can confidently say I have experienced the feelings each of them is experiencing at least once within the past week.
I'll admit - I'm scared. Surprisingly, I haven't truly expressed that, instead listening and agreeing with my friends and family as they discuss the ridiculousness of panic-buying a lifetime supply of toilet paper. I haven't cried to anyone that we're all going to die and the world is over. I have proudly refrained from any panic buying. In fact, the only thing I have purchased since the pandemic was declared has been chocolate and some paints and canvases to keep myself busy at home.
Keeping busy in the comfort of my own home with the lovely company of my parents has seemed to be effective so far. We've done lots of art, played some games, watched movies, done homework (maybe not as much as I should be doing but the professors are being pretty lenient and what student wouldn't take advantage of that?) and talked about everything going on in the chaos that is Earth right now. It's pretty enjoyable; getting home from university at the same time as both parents happen to be off work - lots of time to catch up and bond!
When I'm laying in my bed at night though, or listening to my mum talk about the potential money struggles that will arise if a full-on lockdown becomes a reality in our area, or thinking about how I can't go near my grandparents who I've spent my entire life seeing almost daily, my anxiety sees its chance to take hold.
I am afraid that we will end up struggling financially, as nobody in our household currently has a job. I am afraid that giving my nan a painting that I did for her will result in giving her a virus that could end her life. I am afraid that we may run out of toilet paper and will have to resort to wiping our asses with leaves like they did way-back-when. I am afraid that my family is going to get stressed out about the whole situation past a point of being able to remain calm and act reasonably. I feel a pressure on myself to try and keep everyone in high spirits (but that is not something unique to this situation and probably deserves its own post entirely).
Blogger Sarah Wilson writes in her book First We Make the Beast Beautiful, that people with anxiety are likely much more well-equipped than most to handle a crisis - we've been preparing for it every day of our lives. We constantly think about what can go wrong and the series of events that may follow if the worst-case scenario occurs. In essence, she is right. I, along with the help of my mum, have managed to stay relatively calm, despite all the fears mentioned above. Wash your hands Beth. No, you have enough toilet paper Beth, leave it for someone who needs it. Daily discussion of where the world is at in terms of managing the spread of the virus has kept myself and my family well-informed and we are staying safe and keeping ourselves busy - with maintaining a 6-foot distance (accept when I reeeaaaally need a hug from my momma).
So yes, I'd say I've been managing well, considering the fact that as an anxious person I usually immediately assume the worst. Granted, I still have those dark thoughts, but I have not been blinded by the "what-ifs" this time. I figure it's not going to help anyone if I burst into tears every time someone announces another rise in cases or death tolls. I still seek regular reassurance from my mum that she knows I love her (again, not unique to pandemic-centric scenarios), and I still wish we could change the subject once in a while and not hear about the virus for more than 10 minutes. I don't think I even have a full idea of what emotional state I should consider myself to be in at the present moment, but it isn't panic, and of that I am proud.
Moving forward, be it uncertainly, anxiously and hopefully, I will continue to wash my hands every time I see soap, refrain from getting too close unless I am in desperate need of a mumma-hug, keep up with my school work, keep singing "COVID-19" to the tune of Come On Eileen, and keep painting. A duck, a street in Italy, a cherry... maybe tomorrow I'll attempt a turtle...
Comments